Day 25: Still Tired of Talking About the Weather

On Day 25 of 30 days of writing something every day, I’m actually sharing something I wrote in May of 2023. Life sure looks different now but, damn, this book really changed the way I view conversation and connection.

Enjoy this photo from around the same time. The girls beach vacation for women in my community!

I recently finished the book “Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First” by Laura Tremaine; a book of empowering questions to ponder, answer, and ask in order to strengthen relationships. When I first picked up the book I did so based solely on the cover — it was real cute and I really like pink — but as I read the synopsis it spoke to me.

Oftentimes I find myself participating in mindless conversations that, for lack of better words, are meaningless. You know the ones I’m talking about — “How have you been?” “What have you been up to?” Your basic “How ‘bout that weather” type of questions. Questions that you already know the answer to, even if that answer is a lie. After all, when someone asks how I’m doing, surely they don’t want to hear the truth — do they? Do they want to know about heartache? Disappointment? Depression? Fear? Trauma? Stress?

Probably not. They’re just filling a void in the relationship, they’re reaching for connection without knowing what else to ask.

Laura helps with this. She presents ten questions, answers those questions, and then prompts you how to answer them yourself. She provokes thought and encourages you to do the same so that when you’re presented with an opportunity to ask someone about the weather, you can choose to ask about something else instead. Something that makes the other person think and gives you an opportunity to really HEAR.

Aren’t you tired of talking about the weather? Aren’t you tired of wondering about someone’s family plans? Aren’t you tired of hearing someone say they’re “great” but knowing that if you were asked the very same question you’d lie too?

Laura encourages you to share your “stuff” not just for self liberation but because when you share your shit, others share their shit, and when people share shit together they feel little lighter.

There’s so many more interesting things we could be asking each other. We don’t only have to ask the standard questions with rehearsed answers. What if we started asking open ended questions like “Who are you?” instead of questions that meet a social norm like “Are you a mom?” After all, being Mom is only one option of who I may be.